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I have been a forager for over 13 years, but I have only gardened 6 times. I kept feeling like I failed, year after year, unable to produce enough food to create a stocked pantry.

The two biggest aspects of failure, were not having soil, I have grown the soil on the property from rock filled clay, to composted wood shavings filled with rabbit manure and worms.

And the lack of water. We have our garden and home on the top of the hill, away from the flood plain and neighbors, which means we completely rely on the rain for our water. And for several years now, we end up having droughts for a portion of the summer that spans for weeks to up to two months! This is devastating when I have my garden thriving and then am unable to water, and then we go into drought conditions.

I feel like I finally get it though. I have to mulch my garden extensively in order to help retain the water in the soil, and to not have to water so much. And now that I have soil, I can grow more than just squash, which love fresh wood chips.

In fact, I have watermelon coming up this year that I planted last year, simply because the mulch has turned to soil, allowing it to sprout!

Our property is clay and rock filled ground, it seems to grow rocks rather than soil, and it has taken years to actually create soil that I can trowel through, that is deeper than a few inches.

But I will tell you, seeing radishes, beans, peas, mustard sprouts, corn, potatoes, watermelon, onions, broccoli, and various flowers coming up by just being placed into the soil, feels like pure magic.

I also tried seed snails this year. This is done by taking rolled paper, laying it out, filling it with soil, then rolling them up. This is such a great way to start seeds with minimal space. I have 3 containers of them, that I take out to the fenced in garden each morning to get sun, then bring in at night. I have tomatoes, peppers of all kinds, marigolds, artichokes, thyme, cauliflower, lavender, basil, parsley, with other things that haven’t yet sprouted.

And the fully fenced in yard is another aspect. I had opossums, rabbits, cats, and chickens all digging up my garden faster than I could have it planted. We invested in fencing, and chicken wire, to help keep the animals out, so that I could actually have a chance at growing decent food for my family this year.

So here is what finally clicked for me, though. Gardening is not putting seeds in the ground one time. I used to chaos garden, putting my seeds all in the soil at once, hoping they would come up at some point. But that is not how real, successful, growing food steadily happens!

It requires putting seeds in the ground, every 2-3 weeks, the entire spring, summer and fall!! This has been mind blowing, but it is proving to be working. Planting in either seed snails or in the soil, the things that don’t mind the cold air. Then working your way to more warm loving things such as peppers and tomatoes, week by week. I have been putting seeds in the ground for the past 2 months, and I am seeing the progress of doing this. My mustard greens are ready. My peas are climbing. The potatoes I left in the soil last fall, are sprouting, along with corn that overwintered.

I have flowers, like ironweed, dahlias, and coneflowers returning. I just planted all of my wildflower and butterfly attracting seeds, as well as my echinaceas. Pumpkins that I threw out for the goats and chickens, seeds that didn’t get eaten are finding their way through the soil, in various spaces, in the goat pen, a raised bed, and out in the lawn. I love seeing the abundance of nature being prolific, and creating new life all on their own.

Our woods are naturally filled with mulberry, wild plum, persimmon, black raspberries, blackberries, dew berries, wild blueberries, hazelnuts and tons of other medicinal trees.

But back to gardening. Gardening takes a type of patience, for allowing. Allowing the warmth of the soil to match up with the seed. Allowing the seed the time it needs to sprout. It requires patience for mulch to decompose into nutrient dense soil. And gardening without spending money, requires extra patience.

Last year, my word of the year was “Garden.” I wanted my life to be a garden, filled with abundance, friends, community, and nutrition. And I can see how that year has created a palpable shift in my awareness with this years garden. It is like a light bulb finally turned on, and I can see how a garden works. I can see how the placement, the timing, the flow of water run off, the fencing, the plants around the permitter, the flowers, the sun, the north and south side, all play together to create a mosaic or piece of art with living plants. And it is truly a masterpiece as it blooms and opens.

I am seeing open spaces in my garden and thinking about the fast growers, such as carrots, radishes, lettuces, will be there for the next month or two, and what will be there in the fall, that is a slower grower. I can see it all playing out in my head like a movie watching them grow and sprout.

But then again I have dreamed of a full garden before, but had little actual produce. But this was a grow once and hope they make it. Just like life, a garden takes putting seeds in the ground consistently and constantly.

If a zucchini plant gets eaten by those squash bugs, start it over immediately. If your cabbage gets eaten, grow another one immediately. I can settle into failure mode, and get down on myself as to why things aren’t working, but that doesn’t need to be the case. Who cares if a plant dies, try again! Who cares if something does’t work out, try again! We put so much effort on the way we think things will work out, that often times we forget we can just try again. Over and over and over again!

I feel like this is what human animals have done for hundreds of thousands of years. We just simply tried and tried again, over and over again. From turning mustard into broccoli, cauliflower, Brussel sprouts, and cabbage. Nightshades into potatoes, tomatoes and eggplant. We humans are capable of so much, but it usually doesn’t happen in a single generation. The work we do is built upon, by seven or more generations. It takes time and patience to create new life.

But unfortunately, we are currently in a destructive time of our existence. One where individuals have the ability to create drastic change that affects billions of humans.

And when I think about the control that some of the individuals have over the pollution, air quality, data centers, I think about what it is that I can do?

I can grow a garden. I can learn. I can fail. And I can try agin.

An AI image of Trump as Jesus. Is that the line? I know that the line has come for many trump followers who have left MAGA. But now the Christian Nationalists are saying that Trump is the Anti-Christ. Many people who are not religious, or who have deconstructed from the church have been saying this for 10 years. Amazing that his followers are just seeing it.

Him unaliving, eating, and graping children wasn’t upsetting though. Him depicting himself as Jesus, in the red and white robes. A fake picture was the line. A fake picture was the breaking point. This feels almost surreal, because they still don’t care about all the allegations, pay offs, and proof of what he has done.

I want to sit with that for a moment, because it tells us something important about how belief actually works. It was never about facts. It was never about evidence. It was about which symbolic violation finally broke the frame they were living inside. And an image of their president dressed as their savior broke something in the architecture of their faith that nothing material ever could.

Here is where it gets stranger.

The Christian Nationalists who have turned on him are not turning away. They are now saying he is the Anti-Christ. And in their theology, that is not a reason to remove him. The Anti-Christ is necessary. Evil is required to trigger the return. So they disapprove of him now. They see him as a vessel of darkness. And they are still not moving to stop him, because in their framework, stopping him would be interrupting the plan. Not the real man that was born in Palestine as a Jew, not a Zionist. But Jesus as a white man floating down from the clouds is what they have in their imagination, while they are murdering all the Palestinian men, who if Jesus had returned, is in a pit filled with thousands of others, covered in lime, that were genocided by Netanyahu.

I have family I love who are inside this. Not at arm’s length. In my actual life, in ongoing relationship, people I sit with and talk to, who are also actively trying to convert me so that their end times can happen. That is the reality I am navigating. Watching people I love be pumped full of millions of dollars worth of Facebook propaganda, targeted, refined, algorithmically perfected to reach exactly them, and believing that what they are receiving is revelation.

They are being catfished by billionaires who need the end times narrative to keep people passive while the restructuring happens.

I have been watching civilizational collapse patterns for fifteen years. This is what it looks like up close. Not a dramatic single moment. Cards coming loose, one at a time, while the people holding the deck keep reshuffling.

Now Melania, bringing the Epstein files back up, she was definitely tying to get ahead of a long time friend, who supposedly her ex-husband had her deported to Brazil. She was here for decades, but he wanted control over his 16 year old son. So he called ICE and a favor in to his influential wealthy friends, and got her deported. This man is also the one who introduced Trump to Melania. He is a modeling agent or a pimp to some.

The woman’s name is Amanda Ungaro.

She has nothing left to lose.

She is now saying she will share everything. She was in Melania and Trumps inner circle. She knows the connections they had with Epstein.

Why does this all matter?

The threads are being pulled. The whole thing is unraveling.

Meanwhile, Iran now has more control over the Strait of Hormuz, more nuclear positioning, fewer sanctions, and more consolidated regional alliances than it had two months ago.

Everything the current administration has touched has inverted. Every pressure point has released in the opposite direction. Every deal has cost more than it gained. We are watching a governing strategy built entirely on dominance discover, repeatedly, that dominance applied without intelligence does not produce submission. It produces realignment.

Showing a door dash grandma, who isn’t paying tax on tips, but has to pay medical bills and continue to work past retirement, to pay them, is actually ridiculous to other countries. Baffled. The insurance companies control the pharmaceutical industry that controls the doctors that controls the trials. This is not a conspiracy. This is a documented structure. A sick care system, not a health care system, because sick people are an economy. Healthy people are not.

I don’t want America healthcare to be universal, because we live in a sick care system. That is just capitalist Healthcare, continuing to make insurance CEO’s and the health care billions of dollars, while people continue to get more chronically sick.

And yes, I am all over the place, but it is all connected.

Our food is poison. Our vaccines are produced inside the same captured system. Our medicine is designed around chronic disease management, not healing, because healing ends the revenue stream. These are not fringe positions. The data is there for anyone willing to read it.

The MAHA movement found the women who already knew this. Midwives, herbalists, home birthers, free-spirited women who had already done the work of stepping outside the system. Women with real knowledge and real grievances. And it used their legitimate understanding as a door. Opening into a room that walked them directly into a political party that serves the pharmaceutical companies, the agricultural lobbies, and the food manufacturers they thought they were walking away from. The facade was built specifically for them, using language they recognized, because the people building it knew exactly who they were recruiting.

The food pyramid has been upside down since it was designed to serve agricultural lobbying interests. Grains at the base. Fruits and vegetables as an afterthought. We are Sacred Embodied Human Animals. We grazed. We moved through landscapes eating what was there, what was available, what was in season. Greens in the spring because that is what springs. You cannot eat large amounts of meat without protein poisoning. Your liver and your heart will tell you. We spent hundreds of thousands of years eating what was actually available in actual time, and we have spent a few generations pretending that protein shakes and manufactured macros are nutrition.

Eat what is growing right now. That is not a diet. That is a relationship.

All of this is connected.

Property is not more important than human life.

That sentence should not need to be said. And yet we have watched warehouses full of property treated as a crime scene while the crime of the warehouses themselves goes unexamined. Billionaire propaganda has been so effective, so deep in the water supply, that people will defend the right to property and corporations over the right to breathe, to be housed, to exist outside of debt.

People are starting to wake up to the fact that we are in a debt slave system. If we aren’t paid enough we rely on debt. It used to just be being in debt for 15 years for a house. 3 years for a car. But now they are talking about 50 year house loans. People have 7 year car loans. They pay school loans for 30 years. These are lifetimes of debt that keep people enslaved in working until they die.

Their is another way.

Quit your job. Sell everything. Live in connection with nature. Yes, it is extreme. And it will completely rewire your brain.

If you don’t want to do that, stop complaining. Stop asking when you get to quit your job. The answer is: whenever you decide to stop being a slave to a system that will take your life, your passion, your joy, your health, and leave you empty.

Things are shifting quickly.

Grow a garden. Plant radishes, they grow quickly and are ready to eat in a month. Grow lettuce, it is about the same. Peas are quick and satisfying. Meet your neighbors. See if you can grow a community garden in an empty lot on your block.

Learn what is edible on your land. If you want to go further, go further. Sell the things that are costing you more than they are giving you. Get closer to the ground. It will rewire your brain in ways that nothing else will, because you will remember, in your body, that you are an animal in relationship with the earth, and that relationship is not optional. It was never optional. We just forgot.

Think about all the ways you are dependent on the systems at play. Could you live for a week if the electricity went out? Could you live for a month if there were no grocery stores getting deliveries? Could you still commute to work getting the same amount of money if gas went up to $10 a gallon, and afford your cost of living? Are you able to afford your cost of living at the moment?

There is so much here, and I know it doesn’t seem relevant but it is all connected. We are waking up collectively, but some people will uphold the very system that enslaves them until they die.

So will the house of cards fall?

I have been sitting with this question for fifteen years.

Here is what I know. The cards come loose. They have been coming loose. Each one reveals something that should have been the line and wasn’t. Each one reshuffles into a new configuration that protects the people at the top. Billionaires do not fall the way the rest of us fall. They restructure.

What I do not know is whether enough people will wake up before the data centers cover the last of the arable land. Before the aquifers are gone. Before the air is unbreathable in the places where food used to grow.

What I hold onto is this: every single tradition that humans have ever built: every religion, every cosmology, every ritual calendar.  Was a humans attempt to organize what the body already knew. The body knows we are animals. The body knows we need soil and season and each other. The body knows what a fifty year mortgage costs. The body knows when it is being catfished.

We are waking up. Some people will uphold the system that enslaves them until they die, because that is what they know and the knowing is a kind of comfort. But some people are remembering.

The question is whether we remember in time.

That question is not rhetorical. I am asking it for real. And I am asking it because the answer is not certain, and I think we need to stop pretending that it is.

The whole world watched a clock tick all day, only for the deadline to be postponed two more weeks.

Notice what just happened in your body when you read that. The exhale that isn’t quite an exhale. The relief that doesn’t feel like relief. That is not accidental.

This is what abusers do. This is what cults do. This is what empire has always done to the people living inside it. Hold the body at the threshold of threat long enough and it stops being able to discern. Stops being able to organize. Stops trusting its own perception. Another deadline. Another postponement. Maybe it’s all theater. Maybe you were overreacting. That doubt is the point. A nervous system held in chronic threat state is a nervous system that cannot revolt.

And it doesn’t matter who you voted for anymore. Because nothing has been done to stop what Trump is doing. We are all guilty of this monstrosity. We are all responsible. We compared Trump to Hitler, and our own family and friends didn’t listen. They couldn’t be bothered or they listened to his lies. And now we all have to pay for what is being done.

People wonder why people cut family members out of their lives. Kamala shared that this exact thing was going to happen. Bashar said Trump would start world war 3. And now the whole world was anticipating 8pm eastern on April 7, to see what will happen. If a red button will be pushed.

Trump posted this morning that “a whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again” if a deal isn’t reached by his 8 p.m. deadline to reopen the Strait of Hormuz. NPR He has been threatening to destroy bridges, power plants, and water treatment facilities. Even before that deadline, US forces struck Kharg Island, Iran’s key oil export hub, and dozens of military targets overnight. NBC News

Iran called on “all young people” to form human chains around power plants in case of strikes. MS NOW Those people standing in human chains are real civilians trying to shield their infrastructure with their bodies. That is not metaphor. That is what desperation looks like when a government has already been partially destroyed and the next wave could take the lights off for an entire country.

The war has already caused an estimated 7.5 million barrels per day of crude oil to be shut in across Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, the UAE, Qatar, and Bahrain. Dubai Humanitarian, the largest aid hub in the world,  has seen the number of countries it can supply drop from 25 in January to just nine in March. CNN

I talk a lot about civilizations collapsing because I have seen this coming for the past 15 years. I purposely moved off grid 8 years ago. Quit everything because I knew it would take time. And I am seeing this happen. Right in front of my eyes.

This is what the Sacred Embodied Human Animal has always known. Not as prophecy for its own sake. As body knowledge. As the thing that lives below ideology and above argument. Empire is not the natural state of human life. Control through annihilation is not the natural state of human life. The body knows this. It has always known this. Every tradition that ever existed was layered on top of something far older, something that remembers what it means to be an animal on a planet, accountable to the living world, not to flags or deadlines or men with red buttons.

Every empire that has ever existed has ended. After every ending, people were still growing food. Still gathering. Still holding their children. Still watching the stars.

Grieve tonight. Feel the full weight of what this is.

Allow for the rage, the disappointment, the tears, the sadness, the knowing that nothing will ever be the same. This is time for processing. Breathe. Stay in your body. Allow these emotions to move through you, so they don’t become stuck.

As I continue to travel through the Celestial Sanctuaries from the Earth’s perspective, I had spent 4 years connecting and traveling through these sanctuaries with the moon, before I realized that the Earth goes through these as well. Not just the sun from a zodiacal perspective. I can feel distinctly the shift as each one happens.

Keep an eye on your energy as we come toward CELESTIAL SANCTUARY 16 · 192.858°–205.714° · Apr 5–Apr 18 Star- Spica

I am building a Celestial Sanctuary portal on my website, and have several of the sanctuaries now listed, if you feel like going to main page you can click on the sanctuary as well.

https://stephaniebacquetmathews.com/celestial-sanctuaries/

https://stephaniebacquetmathews.com/celestial-sanctuary-15/