Author: Stephanie Bacquet Mathews

  • Matrifocal & Egalitarian Living- What the Patriarchy Replaced

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  • Celestial Sanctuary 2- Perspective is Everything

    12.858° – 25.715° Ecliptic Longitude

    Mirach

    OCTOBER 8 – OCTOBER 21, 2026

    This sanctuary holds two objects: a red giant star 197 light-years away in the last phase of its stellar life, and a dwarf galaxy 10 million light-years away that absorbed a smaller galaxy approximately 900 million years ago and has been structurally altered by that event ever since. The galaxy sits 7 arc-minutes from the star. It is so close in apparent position that the star’s glare makes the galaxy almost impossible to observe without significant magnification. They have no physical relationship. They share only this line of sight from Earth, and this 13-day window of sky.


    MIRACH · THE FOCAL STAR

    BETA ANDROMEDAE · SEMIREGULAR VARIABLE · ASYMPTOTIC GIANT BRANCH

    RA 01h 09m 43.91s Dec +35° 37′ 14″ ~197 light-years Magnitude 2.01–2.10 (variable) Spectral Type M0 III Mass 2.49 solar masses Radius 86 solar radiiLuminosity 1,675 solar luminosities Temperature 3,762 K

    Mirach is a red giant in the final evolutionary phase available to a star of its mass. The asymptotic giant branch, a stage that follows the horizontal branch and represents the last sustained period of nuclear burning before a star of low to intermediate mass sheds its outer layers entirely and ends its life as a white dwarf. On the asymptotic giant branch, the star is no longer fusing helium steadily in its core. The core has become an inert ball of carbon and oxygen, surrounded by two thin shells, an inner shell fusing helium, and an outer shell fusing hydrogen, each burning on different timescales, producing an unstable layered energy output that drives the star’s outer envelope to enormous size.

    ASYMPTOTIC GIANT BRANCH

    The second major expansion phase in the life of a low-to-intermediate mass star. After the horizontal branch phase, during which helium fuses steadily in the core, the helium core becomes inert and the star expands again, this time driven by two concentric burning shells of hydrogen and helium surrounding the carbon-oxygen core. The star reaches its largest size and highest luminosity during this phase. It is also during this phase that a star loses the most mass, building a circumstellar envelope of expelled gas and dust that will eventually glow as a planetary nebula after the core is exposed.

    Mirach has expanded to 86 times the radius of our Sun. Its effective surface temperature has dropped to 3,762 Kelvin, less than two-thirds the Sun’s surface temperature, giving it the deep red-orange color characteristic of M-class giant stars. Despite its cool surface, its luminosity reaches approximately 1,675 times that of the Sun because its surface area is so vast. It is a semiregular variable star, shifting between apparent magnitude 2.01 and 2.10 with no strictly fixed period. Which means the variability is driven by internal pulsations as the hydrogen and helium shells burn unevenly, causing the star’s outer layers to expand and contract on irregular timescales ranging from 30 to 100 days.

    SEMIREGULAR VARIABLE STAR

    A pulsating giant or supergiant star that shows periodic brightness variations but with some irregularity, which the cycle is roughly repeating but not strictly metronomic. In asymptotic giant branch stars, the semiregular pulsation is driven by the interaction of the hydrogen and helium burning shells, which periodically undergo thermal pulses. These are brief episodes of dramatically increased helium shell burning. In turn they alter the star’s radius, luminosity, and outflow of mass. These variations are superimposed on a slower, longer-term change in the star’s overall structure.

    Mirach is actively shedding mass through a slow, cool stellar wind. Which is a continuous outflow of gas from the star’s outer layers being pushed away by radiation pressure and pulsation-driven shocks. This mass loss is the defining characteristic of the asymptotic giant branch phase: over thousands of years it accumulates into a circumstellar envelope, a growing sphere of gas and dust surrounding the star at increasing distance. When the expelled material becomes thick enough to be energized by the increasingly hot stellar core being exposed beneath it, this envelope will glow as a planetary nebula, a short-lived, visually spectacular shell of ionized gas expanding into space. The stellar core left behind after the envelope disperses will cool slowly over billions of years as a white dwarf.

    CIRCUMSTELLAR ENVELOPE

    A shell of gas and dust expelled from a star’s outer layers over time, surrounding the star at increasing distances as the outflow continues. In asymptotic giant branch stars, the envelope grows as the star’s mass-loss rate increases over the course of its evolution. The envelope is cooler than the star itself and can allow the formation of dust grains and molecules. Eventually the envelope becomes a planetary nebula when the remaining stellar core heats to temperatures sufficient to ionize the surrounding gas.

    PLANETARY NEBULA

    A glowing shell of gas expelled by a dying low-to-intermediate mass star during the final stages of its asymptotic giant branch evolution. The name is historical, as early astronomers thought the round, glowing objects resembled planetary disks through small telescopes, and has nothing to do with planets. A planetary nebula forms when the expelled outer envelope is ionized by ultraviolet radiation from the hot stellar core left behind. It expands outward at speeds of 10–30 kilometers per second and disperses into the surrounding interstellar medium over tens of thousands of years.

    With a mass of 2.49 solar masses, Mirach does not have enough mass to undergo core collapse at the end of its evolution. It will not become a neutron star or produce a supernova. Instead, the full sequence of its end is already determined: the remaining mass-loss phase, the planetary nebula, the white dwarf cooling track. The timescale for the current phase is estimated in the tens of thousands of years.

    Mirach appears in Babylonian star catalogs, making it one of the stars with the longest continuous record of human observation. In Arabic astronomical tradition it was designated the standard dark-red reference star, the color anchor used as a comparison point against which Antares was identified as the standard bright red. The name Mirach derives from the Arabic al-mi’zar, meaning the girdle or loincloth, referring to its position in classical sky maps. It has also been called Cingulum and Ventrale in different traditions, each name referencing the same positional attribute.

    Mirach is not on the ecliptic, it sits at declination +35° 37′, well north of the ecliptic plane and is not subject to lunar occultations. It reaches its highest point in the October night sky, transiting the meridian in the late evening hours during this sanctuary window.


    NGC 404 · MIRACH’S GHOST

    DWARF LENTICULAR GALAXY · THE MOST ISOLATED GALAXY IN THE LOCAL UNIVERSE · MOVING TOWARD US

    RA 01h 09m 27.0s Dec +35° 43′ 04″ 10 million light-years Magnitude 11.2 Diameter 22,000 light-years Type SA(s)0− Discovered September 13, 1784 7 arc-minutes from Mirach

    William Herschel discovered NGC 404 on September 13, 1784, using his 18.7-inch reflector telescope. He catalogued it as II 224. At only 7 arc-minutes from the second-magnitude star Mirach, the galaxy sits so close to the star’s glare in apparent position that it is nearly impossible to observe without deliberately blocking Mirach’s light or using high magnification to increase contrast and apparent separation. This proximity earned it the nickname Mirach’s Ghost. A galaxy hiding in the light of a star it has nothing to do with, visible only when the observer looks carefully past the obvious.

    NGC 404 is a dwarf lenticular galaxy, smaller than a typical spiral galaxy, lacking spiral arms, with the disk shape of a spiral but the smooth, featureless structure more common to elliptical galaxies. It is approximately 22,000 light-years in diameter, compared to the Milky Way’s roughly 100,000 light-years. Its apparent magnitude of 11.2 makes it accessible through small telescopes but invisible to the naked eye, and its low surface brightness, the light is spread across a relatively large apparent area, makes it more challenging than its magnitude alone suggests.

    LENTICULAR GALAXY

    A galaxy type intermediate between elliptical and spiral galaxies. Lenticular galaxies have a central bulge and a disk, like a spiral galaxy, but lack the spiral arm structure and contain little gas and dust for ongoing star formation. They are thought to be former spiral galaxies that have been stripped of their interstellar material, either through interaction with another galaxy, ram-pressure stripping as they move through a galaxy cluster’s hot gas, or simply through exhausting their star-forming fuel over time. NGC 404 is unusual among lenticulars because it retains significant neutral hydrogen, evidence of a more complex history than a simple gradual depletion.

    NGC 404 is one of the most isolated galaxies in the known universe. Its nearest neighboring galaxy lies at least 3.6 million light-years away. It sits just outside the gravitational boundary of the Local Group, which is the collection of galaxies our Milky Way belongs to, and appears not to be gravitationally bound to any larger structure. It is gravitationally independent, orbiting no larger galaxy, embedded in no cluster, surrounded by an unusually empty volume of space.

    LOCAL GROUP

    The gravitationally bound collection of roughly 80 galaxies in our immediate cosmic neighborhood, spanning approximately 10 million light-years. The three largest members are the Milky Way, the Andromeda Galaxy, and the Triangulum Galaxy. NGC 404 lies just beyond the Local Group’s outer boundary, close enough to appear in the same region of sky as Local Group members, but not gravitationally bound to it. It exists in the relative void between the Local Group and the next significant galaxy concentration.

    NGC 404 is one of very few galaxies in the observable universe that shows a blueshift rather than a redshift. It is moving toward us, not away from us. The vast majority of galaxies are receding as the universe expands; NGC 404’s approach velocity of 48 kilometers per second is a local gravitational effect rather than a cosmic expansion signal, but it remains an observational distinction almost no other galaxy shares.

    BLUESHIFT

    A shift of a galaxy’s spectral lines toward shorter, bluer wavelengths, indicating the galaxy is moving toward the observer. The opposite of redshift, which indicates recession. In an expanding universe almost all galaxies are redshifted, moving away from every other galaxy as space itself expands. The handful of galaxies that show blueshift are close enough to our Local Group that their individual gravitational motions toward us temporarily override the overall expansion. NGC 404’s blueshift means it is currently approaching the Milky Way at 48 kilometers per second.

    The most significant physical feature of NGC 404 is what surrounds it: two large concentric rings of neutral hydrogen. Raw atomic hydrogen gas that has not been ionized by stellar radiation is extending well beyond the galaxy’s visible stellar disk. This is highly unusual for a lenticular galaxy. Early-type galaxies like lenticulars typically contain little neutral hydrogen, having exhausted or expelled their gas reserves over billions of years. The presence of these rings in NGC 404 is understood as the structural consequence of a galactic merger.

    NEUTRAL HYDROGEN (H I)

    Atomic hydrogen gas in which the electron has not been stripped away by radiation, it remains bound to the proton. Neutral hydrogen is the raw material from which stars eventually form when it is compressed sufficiently by gravity. It is detected in radio astronomy through its characteristic emission at a wavelength of 21 centimeters. The distribution of neutral hydrogen in and around a galaxy traces the history of that galaxy’s gas supply, where it came from, how it moves, and whether external material has been added through mergers or accretion.

    Approximately 900 million years ago, NGC 404 collided with and absorbed a smaller neighboring galaxy. The neutral hydrogen in those rings is understood to be material acquired from that absorbed galaxy. Making the structural remnant of a smaller system that no longer exists independently. Radio telescope observations with the Very Large Array mapped the hydrogen rings and dated the collision. When the infalling hydrogen settled into the plane of NGC 404’s disk, it triggered a wave of new star formation. In particular in the outermost regions where the rings are concentrated. This star formation has been ongoing at a low level since the merger, unusual for a galaxy of this type. The galaxy’s disk now contains stars of dramatically different ages: the inner regions are dominated by old stellar populations more than 5 billion years old, while the nuclear cluster at the center shows a burst of star formation approximately 1 billion years ago, coinciding with the proposed timing of the merger, and the ring regions contain young stars that formed from the acquired hydrogen.

    At the center of NGC 404 sits a nuclear star cluster approximately 100 light-years in diameter, which has an unusually dense, compact concentration of stars at the galaxy’s core. Within or alongside this cluster there is evidence for a probable intermediate-mass black hole of several tens of thousands of solar masses. The evidence comes from the galaxy’s LINER spectrum: a low-ionization nuclear emission-line region. This is a type of emission pattern in the central light of a galaxy associated with a weakly active galactic nucleus, consistent with a black hole accreting material at a low rate. Dynamical modeling of stellar and gas motions near the center supports but does not yet conclusively confirm the black hole’s presence.

    NUCLEAR STAR CLUSTER

    An extremely dense cluster of stars located at the precise center of a galaxy, found in many galaxies that do not host a supermassive black hole, and in some that do. Nuclear star clusters are among the densest stellar environments known, with millions of stars packed into a region only tens to hundreds of light-years across. They form through a combination of in-situ star formation triggered by gas flowing toward the galactic center, and the inspiral of globular clusters dragged inward by gravitational friction. NGC 404’s nuclear cluster shows a starburst approximately 1 billion years old embedded in an older stellar population, consistent with the proposed merger event.

    INTERMEDIATE-MASS BLACK HOLE

    A black hole with a mass between roughly a few hundred and a few hundred thousand times that of the Sun, larger than the stellar-mass black holes formed by individual supernova explosions, smaller than the supermassive black holes found at the centers of large galaxies. Intermediate-mass black holes are theoretically predicted but observationally rare. Their existence at the centers of dwarf galaxies like NGC 404 would help explain how the supermassive black holes in large galaxies grew to their present sizes, potentially through the merger and growth of smaller black holes over cosmic time.

    In 2016, Italian amateur astronomer Giuseppe Donatiello discovered a faint dwarf spheroidal galaxy approximately 60 arc-minutes from NGC 404, possibly a satellite of the ghost galaxy itself. This object, nicknamed Mirach’s Goblin, has a distance estimate ranging from 8.1 to 11.4 million light-years, overlapping with NGC 404’s distance. Its relationship to NGC 404 remains unconfirmed pending more precise distance measurements. If physically associated, it would make NGC 404 not merely an isolated galaxy but a miniature system, a host galaxy with its own satellite, orbiting in a nearly empty pocket of the universe.


    WHAT THIS SANCTUARY CONTAINS

    Mirach: a red giant at magnitude 2.01 to 2.10, the brightest star in this sanctuary window, in the asymptotic giant branch phase of its evolution. Radius 86 times the Sun’s. Luminosity 1,675 times the Sun’s. Surface temperature 3,762 Kelvin. Actively shedding mass through a stellar wind, building a circumstellar envelope that will become a planetary nebula. Pulsating semiregularly on a timescale of 30 to 100 days. No fixed period. Listed in Babylonian star catalogs. The Arabic standard reference for dark-red stellar color. Will end its life as a white dwarf.

    NGC 404: a dwarf lenticular galaxy 22,000 light-years in diameter, moving toward us at 48 kilometers per second, one of the most isolated galaxies known with its nearest neighbor 3.6 million light-years away. Structurally altered approximately 900 million years ago by the absorption of a smaller galaxy, the evidence of which persists as two large rings of neutral hydrogen extending beyond the visible disk. Active star formation ongoing in those rings at a low level. A nuclear star cluster 100 light-years across at the center. A probable intermediate-mass black hole of tens of thousands of solar masses. A possible satellite dwarf galaxy discovered in 2016, not yet confirmed. Visible in small telescopes as a faint, round, diffuse glow, almost entirely hidden in the glare of Mirach 7 arc-minutes away.

    Two objects in the same 13-degree window of sky. One is in the process of releasing the accumulated mass of its own stellar life into space. The other was structurally remade by absorbing the mass of another galaxy, and still carries the structural evidence of that event 900 million years later. They have no physical connection. Their apparent proximity is a function of our line of sight: one 197 light-years distant, the other 10 million light-years distant, separated in actual space by a distance that dwarfs both of them combined.

    A star releasing its outer layers into space.
    A galaxy transformed by what it absorbed, 900 million years ago.
    One moving toward us. One dispersing outward.
    Separated by 10 million light-years.
    Sharing seven arc-minutes of sky.

  • Threshold: A Wild Harvested Tincture for Active Labor

    Ten moons you carried a life. Ten moons you shared one blood. One pulse. One slow, turning dance. Now the spiral opens.

    You are not being asked to endure. You are being asked to cross.

    The womb is the oldest muscle in the story. It gathers. It releases. It gathers again. Each wave is a tide, and you are the moon and the sea.

    The pain has a voice. It is not an enemy. It is the door speaking. It says: open here. Soften here. The cervix thins and widens, and the pain is the body tracking the opening.

    Deep in the brain, the old medicine wakes. Oxytocin rises. Endorphins rise. The wild inside you makes its own remedy and hands it to you in waves.

    Fear stands at the gate and calls for adrenaline. The body tightens. The door narrows. Warmth, darkness, touch, and trust call the other way. The door opens.

    The baby is not waiting. The baby is working.

    Each wave squeezes the child and slows the river through the placenta. In the rest, the river returns. The child’s own stress hormones surge, and the lungs clear and the eyes wake. The child makes endorphins too. Mother and baby cross the threshold together.

    The baby turns through the pelvis in a spiral. It descends, bows, rotates, lifts, and turns again. Your body knows this dance. So does the child.

    The placenta is the tree you grew together. It has fed your child since the first moons. When the child is born, the tree lets go, and the womb closes around the place where it grew.

    For fifteen years I have walked with these plants. Women have birthed with them for as long as there have been women.

    Native peoples called viburnums to ease cramping, and willow to ease pain. Birthroot carries its work in its name. Traditional Chinese medicine moves qi and blood through the pelvis, and has long worked with mugwort and day lily. The old herbalists carried raspberry leaf and yarrow into the birthing room.

    Now Let’s Introduce the Plants

    California poppy, wild lettuce, buttercup, willow, day lily, and velvet leaf. They settle the nerves and ease the ache. In my practice, velvet leaf is the gentlest of them.

    Cramp bark, black haw, and cinquefoil. They soften the grip of the muscle.

    Raspberry leaf, birthroot, mugwort, and yarrow. Yarrow is a powerful uterine plant. It has been in birthing rooms for generations.

    Ginger and lemon balm quiet the stomach. Winged elm soothes. Rosemary warms. Echinacea has long been a pain plant on the Plains. A quartz crystal rests in the batch as intention.

    Each plant makes space. None takes the work from you.

    Birth has been taken from the body and given to the clock. Cervical checks with no reason. Pushing on command before the body leads. Your body does not need to be managed. It needs to be trusted.

    Threshold is for those who trust their bodies explicitly. For those who know they are a part of the natural world. For those who are seeking a connection with the wild, in the most intimate moment of bringing life Earth side.

    How to Walk with Threshold

    Active labor only. Take 3 drops by mouth every 30 minutes through active labor. Use the dropper provided, as drop size varies. Do not begin before active labor.

    Share the ingredient list with the people who hold you before labor begins.

    Do not use Threshold if you have a bleeding disorder, take blood thinners, are allergic to aspirin, or have had a hemorrhage.

    Keep your people close. Know the signs that ask for more help: Bleeding that soaks a pad in an hour, a cord seen or felt before the baby, a baby who is still, or who does not breathe, fever, a pounding headache, or changes in sight

    The crone does not abandon the mother. She stays near, and she watches.

    You came to the threshold carrying one life.

    You will cross it carrying two.

    The spiral turns. You turn with it.

    These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. See our Medical Disclaimer.

  • Thoughts in Early October

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  • Threshold: Active Labor Pain Relief Potion

    Threshold

    A wildcrafted tincture for active labor

    Ten moons you carried a life.

    Ten moons you shared one blood. One pulse. One slow, turning dance.

    Now the spiral opens.

    You are not being asked to endure.
    You are being asked to cross.

    The Descent

    The womb is the oldest muscle in the story. It gathers. It releases. It gathers again. Each wave is a tide, and you are the moon and the sea.

    The pain has a voice. It is not an enemy. It is the door speaking. It says: open here. Soften here. The cervix thins and widens, and the pain is the body tracking the opening.

    Deep in the brain, the old medicine wakes. Oxytocin rises. Endorphins rise. The wild inside you makes its own remedy and hands it to you in waves.

    Fear stands at the gate and calls for adrenaline. The body tightens. The door narrows. Warmth, darkness, touch, and trust call the other way. The door opens.

    The Two Who Are One

    The baby is not waiting. The baby is working.

    Each wave squeezes the child and slows the river through the placenta. In the rest, the river returns. The child’s own stress hormones surge, and the lungs clear and the eyes wake. The child makes endorphins too. Mother and baby cross the threshold together.

    The baby turns through the pelvis in a spiral. It descends, bows, rotates, lifts, and turns again. Your body knows this dance. So does the child.

    The placenta is the tree you grew together. It has fed your child since the first moons. When the child is born, the tree lets go, and the womb closes around the place where it grew.

    The Council of Plants

    For fifteen years I have walked with these plants. Women have birthed with them for as long as there have been women.

    Native peoples called viburnums to ease cramping, and willow to ease pain. Birthroot carries its work in its name. Traditional Chinese medicine moves qi and blood through the pelvis, and has long worked with mugwort and day lily. The old herbalists carried raspberry leaf and yarrow into the birthing room.

    The Quiet Ones. California poppy, wild lettuce, dried buttercup, willow, day lily, and velvet leaf. They settle the nerves and ease the ache. In my practice, velvet leaf is the gentlest of them.

    The Releasers. Cramp bark, black haw, and cinquefoil. They soften the grip of the muscle.

    The Women’s Plants. Raspberry leaf, birthroot, mugwort, and yarrow. Yarrow is a powerful uterine plant. It has been in birthing rooms for generations.

    The Settlers. Ginger and lemon balm quiet the stomach. Winged elm soothes. Rosemary warms. Echinacea has long been a pain plant on the Plains. A quartz crystal rests in the batch as intention.

    Each plant makes space. None takes the work from you.

    The Other Doors

    Birth has been taken from the body and given to the clock. Cervical checks with no reason. Pushing on command before the body leads. Your body does not need to be managed. It needs to be trusted.

    The epidural is another door. It has known effects. Longer pushing. More assisted births. Fever. In some studies, a sleepier baby and a slower start to nursing. Many women choose it and are helped. Know the cost, then choose.

    Threshold is a different door. For those who trust their bodies explicitly. For those who know they are a part of the natural world. For those who are seeking a connection with the wild, in the most intimate moment of bringing life Earth side.

    How to Walk with Threshold

    Active labor only. Take 3 drops by mouth every 30 minutes through active labor. Use the dropper provided, as drop size varies. Do not begin before active labor.

    Share the ingredient list with the people who hold you before labor begins.

    Do not use Threshold if you have a bleeding disorder, take blood thinners, are allergic to aspirin, or have had a hemorrhage.

    Keep your people close. Know the signs that ask for more help.

    • Bleeding that soaks a pad in an hour
    • A cord seen or felt before the baby
    • A baby who is still, or who does not breathe
    • Fever, a pounding headache, or changes in sight

    The crone does not abandon the mother. She stays near, and she watches.

    The Return

    You came to the threshold carrying one life.

    You will cross it carrying two.

    The spiral turns. You turn with it.

    These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. See our Medical Disclaimer.

  • Remembering Our Wild Kinship: The Science of Collaborative Nature

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  • Feral Remembering: 13 Moon Embodied Gathering

    I am creating a 13 month ongoing gathering. Here is the link to all the details about that. https://stephaniebacquetmathews.com/feral-remembering/

    I am putting the feelers out there finally. My own feral intuition has desired from me for the past 13 years to create a space and I want to offer it to you in this sacred space, first.

    I am creating a container of 13 women, to walk through the spiral of the year, and the 13 Lunar Cycles through the Lens of the Sacred Embodied Human Animal. To fully awaken our feral intuition, connect to our authentic selves, and remember who and what we are as a human. I have created retreats in the past, but I was trying to live up to someone else’s version of what a retreat offers.

    Authentically, I can only offer my own medicine. I have come to see the who and what I am offers things that you will not find at other retreats but it is not always comfortable. I am creating a healing space that will bring about transformation on an embodied level, rather than just being intellectually stimulating.

    The world is shifting and I feel it is vital to remember our connection with nature as a natural being. As a creature of this world. To remember the names of our brothers and sisters, the trees, animals, plants, crystals, and bugs. We are put one species that has forgotten that we too rely on this beautiful Earth for complete sustenance.

    With that being said, I am inviting 12 women to join me, to make a sacred, healing, intimate, container of women to truly remember our most authentic, feral selves. We will live in connection with the Earth, inside of a Womb of Earth, healing ourselves through a remembering and unraveling process, rather than looking outside of ourselves thinking we need anything to make us whole.

    We will be discovering our wholeness by removing, shattering, unraveling and remembering our most authentic selves.

    These embodied, physical gatherings will be happening throughout the spiral of the year, 8 total, in Southeast Missouri. Here we drink water out of the spring, are provided sustenance through the abundance of the land, and we have the Milky Way in the skies all year round. We will be held by earthen dwellings, while the fire holds sacred space for our stories. We will remember through an embodied sense of truly what life is meant to be.

    I am so excited to call this in, and I am eagerly holding space for you, if this feels aligned.

    Here is the application if you are interested. Thank you so much for being a part of my life and journey. https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdfUmWxS3jW5wz5oIgRBDTs5wRDiDytaP19pYPfF-tzcjZQww/viewform

  • Feral Remembering: 13 Moons of Embodied Gathering

    Feral Remembering | Thirteen Moon Embodying Experience

    FERAL REMEMBERING

    Thirteen Moons of Embodied Gathering

    Thirteen women. Eight immersions. Embodied gatherings, fully experiencing the 28 Celestial Sanctuaries, under the 13 moons.

    Join Us!

    This isn’t a retreat. In the typical sense.

    You may or may not have been to a retreat. They typically last a couple of days to a week, you connect, you cry, you laugh, and it honestly feels amazing.

    Then you fly or drive home. The sensation of connecting is carried in your body for a week, maybe two, glowing a little, different in a way you can feel but can’t quite name to the people who didn’t go. And then the random Tuesday happens. Things begin to go back to “normal.” Life begins to happen with the grocery list, things demanding your attention, and the thousand small tasks of an everyday life that was never built to hold what you touched living in community. And slowly, quietly, without ever deciding to let it go, the communal living experience is let go.

    Feral Remembering is not that.

    I am asking you, and the other 12 women, to hold space for an entire year. This is long enough for something to actually root. This is us holding space for an entire 13 lunar cycles, to hold space for the whole year of seasons. For us to go deeper, with each visit, rather than just getting to the surface of everything. I am asking you to carve out the time to create a community of women, who will do embodied, feral remembering together.

    If you know that something is wrong, and maybe you have known for years.

    Maybe your blood work comes back normal and you still feel like your body is at war with you.

    Maybe you have done therapy, yoga, supplements, have the morning routine, and you still wake up at 3am with your heart pounding for no reason you can name. Or maybe you can name it, but it fills your body with dread, grief, and rage.

    Maybe you have cried at things that seemed disproportionate to the people around you, like a documentary, a walk in the woods, a full moon, and quietly wondered if something was wrong with you.

    Nothing is wrong with you. You are not broken. You were severed, and your body has been telling you the truth about it this whole time.

    What actually changes with Feral Remembering?

    You will not just get more information. You most likely have a bookshelf full of information.

    What changes is remembering. This is not about intellectually doing another thing. This is about being in your body, on land, with other women who are done pretending they are fine too. Allowing this to unravel, root, and remember across a full year, held by a rhythm older than anything we have available in a typical retreat space. We will be utilizing eight gatherings turning with the spiral of the year, thirteen moons carrying us between them.

    The shape of the year

    Thirteen women move through this year on the land. Not an accident that it matches the thirteen moons, this circle is built the same way the year turns. We will move through the 8 seasonal shifts of the Spiral of the Year, meeting physically to practice, be seen, heard, and create intimacy. Then we will gather virtually each new moon and full moon, to expand upon our understandings, diving deeper into the practices of ancient knowing and skills.

    Spiral of the Year

    This container is built on the same structure as the book each woman receives when she joins, “Remembering: The Mystical Nature of the Sacred Embodied Human Animal.” The book is not supplemental reading. It is the map. The eight immersions are the territory the map describes, walked in a body, on land, in real time, instead of read about from a chair.

    Between each immersion, the deconstruction chapters do their work in a space that allows for it to be integrated, at home, in your own hands, so that what gets excavated in a book doesn’t need to be re-excavated in person. What happens on the land is the living half of the spiral. What happens in the book is the half that makes the living half possible.

    The Eight Physical Gatherings

    The First Exhale

    Spring balance — March 17-19, 2027

    There is a moment every spring when your body knows before your mind does. Not a calendar, not a myth, something that happens in your chest when the grass comes back and the air stops being cold in that particular winter way. Your whole nervous system exhales. This gathering meets that exhale on the land itself, the moment the dark and the light come back into balance, your body confirming what it wasn’t sure of all winter. We made it through.

    The Rising Passion

    Nature Blooms — April 23-25

    The land stops holding its breath and starts reaching. This is the gathering for the body’s own generative force, blood, desire, creation, held as holy rather than shameful. What every creature on this land already knows about wanting something and moving toward it without apology.

    The Long Light

    Summer peak — June 25-28, 2027

    The height of the year. Maximum light, maximum aliveness, nothing to prove and nothing to produce. This gathering is playfulness with no justification required, the body at its most alive and uncontrolled, joy held as its own reason for existing.

    Wild Abundance

    First harvest — August 4-8, 2027

    The earth delivering on her promise. This gathering is for receiving without earning it first, the first grain, the first fruit, proof that abundance is the nature of things rather than a reward for worthiness. What it feels like in the body to take what’s offered and call it enough.

    The Honest Shift

    Autumn balance — September 24-27, 2027

    The second balance of the year, and the more honest one. The trees release without performing a greenness they no longer have. This gathering holds the full range of what you actually feel, grief and beauty arriving together, as sacred rather than something to apologize for.

    The Thinning

    Death turning — November 5-7, 2027

    The veil goes permeable. This gathering is for the honest relationship with death, the ancestors, the parts of this year and this life that have already ended. The interior wilderness of the self, known instead of feared.

    The Deep Den

    Winter’s longest dark — December 18-21, 2026

    The point of maximum dark, and the fire lit from inside the circle rather than waited for from outside it. This gathering holds the ancient knowing that the light was never a rescue coming from somewhere else. It lives in us. Every gathering before this one arrives here.

    The First Stirring

    The quickening — January 29–February 1, 2027

    Ground still frozen, light already returning. This gathering is for what gets tended through the whole dark and what finally gets released at the threshold, so it doesn’t have to be carried into the turn that’s already coming.

    What we practice

    We eat seasonally, exactly as the land provides.

    Some gatherings are full of abundance. Lughnasadh will feed you from the first harvest. Others ask something different of you, February may be little more than squash, root vegetables, and bone broth, because that is what the earth is actually offering in that moment, not what a caterer can source. This is not deprivation. This is alignment. Your body learns what it feels like to eat the truth of a season instead of eating in spite of it.

    We move like animals, not like exercisers.

    Walking fallen logs. Using the natural obstacles already on the land instead of equipment built to simulate them. Presence and awareness over performance. This is not a workout. It’s a remembering of how a body that trusts itself actually moves.

    We do rage work.

    Embodiment instead of dissociation. Most of us were trained to leave our bodies the moment real feeling arrived. Here, anger gets a body to move through instead of a story to explain it away.

    We hold each other, without losing ourselves in each other.

    This is interdependent, not codependent. You will be held. You will also hold. No one here, including your guide, is exempt from being witnessed in her own unraveling.

    We look at our own foundations through a different lens entirely.

    Not what’s wrong with you as a civilized, colonized person trying to optimize her dysfunction. What’s true about you as a sacred embodied animal who was never broken to begin with. That shift alone creates new neurological pathways, a different relationship to your own history than the one you’ve been working from your whole life.

    We create.

    Each woman brings her own expression, her own passion, her own particular creativity into this space, and is met there, heard, fed, nourished, not managed into a shared format.

    Sobriety is required

    Every woman in this circle must be sober for every immersion. No coffee. No alcohol. No tobacco. No THC. No mushrooms. No other substances altering your body or mind.

    This will narrow who this is for, and that narrowing is intentional, not a side effect. A fully embodied sacred animal cannot be fully present through a substance. This container asks you to meet your own nervous system directly, including the parts of it a cup of coffee or a glass of wine have been quietly managing for you. If that’s a hard no for you right now, this isn’t the year for you to join, and that’s honest information, not a judgment.

    This is for you if:

    • You’ve already done the work, therapy, somatic practice, read the self help books, and you’re still searching.
    • You’re tired of optimizing. Tired of one more protocol, promising to fix a wound that was never yours alone to carry.
    • You’re exhausted by your own self-sufficiency, and you’re ready to be witnessed instead of doing it all.
    • You’re willing to sit in the dark, get your hands in the dirt, be uncomfortable, and stay.
    • Some part of you already senses that the life on the other side of this might look nothing like the one you’re living now, and instead of that frightening you, you are open to the shifts and experiences waiting on the other side.

    This is not for you if

    • You’re still looking outside yourself for the fix, the next procedure, the next purchase, the next surface correction to buy your way back into feeling acceptable in a body that was never the problem.
    • You want a nice weekend and a nice photo from it, not a real unraveling.
    • You need your current life, the career ladder, the appearance maintenance, the status, to stay fully intact around this work. This asks structures to move, not just one more practice added on top of an unchanged life.
    • You’re looking for information. You already have the book for that. This is not that.

    The investment

    This is a year-long container, that will ask you to shift into a version of yourself you may have only glimpsed. There is an aspect of the version of you that will no longer fit into the boxes you have created. By signing up you are accepting that your feral remembering is calling.

    The Womb: 8 Physical Immersive 3-5 Day Experiential Events

    Cost: $3,333

    All meals, shelter, and activities are covered in this price. Full Moon and New Moon virtual gatherings are included in this price, as well as a private group to discuss in between sessions. You are one of 13 women physically experiencing this shift together. This is a foundational part of the medicine. To remember what it felt like to be held by other women, in a space of vulnerability, trust and collaboration.

    The Cord: 26 Virtual Sessions — 13 New & 13 Full Moon Sessions

    Cost: $333 per Year or $33 per Month

    Full Moon and New Moon virtual gatherings, as well as a private group to discuss in between sessions. This virtual space is a way to connect with women all over the world, to create a global feral remembering. For us to dismantle, collaborate, heal, and remember our magic as an embodied human on this beautiful planet we all share.

    Applying does not commit you financially. Being offered a place does not obligate you to accept it.

    Why am I doing this now?

    My unraveling started more than twenty years ago, in a classroom, of all places. A Christian college, every Bible class I could take, and then the next year, world religions, women’s and gender studies, the floor quietly giving way under everything I’d been handed as fact. I kept going. A bachelor’s in psychology. A doctorate in metaphysical science. Credentials that taught me how these systems are built, and how thoroughly they can be taken apart.

    But the real unraveling didn’t happen in a classroom. It happened in my body.

    My first child was born at home with a midwife. My second, I caught myself, unassisted, in a bathtub, no one’s hands but mine and my husband’s. There is no seminar that teaches you what your body already knows how to do the moment you stop asking permission for it. I nursed them both for years, co-slept, practiced elimination communication instead of trusting a plastic training system to know my babies better than I did. Every one of those choices was a small refusal, a stepping back from a system that profits from women believing their bodies need managing.

    From 2018 to 2023, my husband, my children, and I lived on the road, on and off, in a bus, learning what a family actually needs versus what we’d been sold we needed. In the seasons we weren’t traveling, we built our home by hand, an earthbag house on our own land in southeast Missouri, growing food, building the kind of foodscape that doesn’t ask permission from a grocery store. I’ve practiced herbal medicine for over thirteen years, and it has been how I’ve provided for my family, in full, since 2019.

    I believe our bodies have gone off the course of our own evolution, chasing money and status and the need to feel successful while the body itself screams to be let out of captivity. I don’t believe the answer is rejecting every modern convenience, I use the technology that will help build the communities we’re actually going to need. I believe the answer is remembering. I celebrate the turn of the seasons, the spiral of the year, as a way of honoring my place inside nature rather than above it.

    I have spent my entire adult life deconstructing the programs, beliefs, and hierarchies I was handed, and I have not arrived anywhere final. I am still practicing my own feral remembering. I am not asking you to follow someone who has it finished. I’m asking you to walk a year with me, someone who is still walking it myself. As I believe the spiral never ends, only allows us to see it more clearly as we continue through.

    Questions

    Why a year instead of a retreat?

    Because a weekend gives you a feeling. A year gives you a rhythm you can actually live inside. With a year, we get to know the other women journeying with us, in a way that most people do not get intimacy in relationship anymore. Throughout an entire year, you may find it easier to unmask, reveal your true self, and allow yourself to be fully seen. A year allows for us to continue the journey of unraveling, over and over and over. Embodiment work is not a one time experience. Being in our body, present, allowing, and whole, is something that will take more than one weekend to experience.

    What if I can’t make every immersion?

    Not being able to make all eight sessions is understandable, but my intention is to have you be able to come to 6 of the 8 sessions. The new and full moon virtual sessions will be recorded but I would also like these to be a priority in your life, to create intimacy. Think of them as important dates, that you would move the world to make. This is something that would be a top priority in your life, rather than thinking of it like a vacation or get together.

    Is this religious or spiritual?

    No. This is not about transcending your body. This is about remembering you never needed to. This is drawing back into the sacred, which is about connection, not worship, not hierarchy. I believe everything is sacred. This work is about stepping much further back in time, while also moving forward out of obedience training, masking, patriarchy, and hierarchy. We are stepping into our most primal, feral, whole, embodied, present selves. This might take some getting used to, which is another reason we are giving ourselves a whole year of practice!

  • Events October

    I am sharing early, just in case I will be able to see some of you at these events!

  • September Fun!

    I know most of you are all over the country, but I will be in Southwest Missouri at the end of the Month, and in Taylorville Illinois the first weekend of October. I would love to see some of you IRL, as this brings me so much joy!